Aggressive Feeding

Right so, my dad has deemed the best way to deal with my somewhat unorthadox eating habits is scare me into eating. And not the traditional 'you'll die if you don't eat', the very African if 'if you dont eat then i might kill you'

I dont live with him, and he's old and his hearing is diminishing a bit (but he's certainly not frail) so i have to visit him once a week. On my last visit, as soon as i had arrived, before i had even taken off my fucking coat he dumped a huge plate heaving with steak, chips and a nauseatingly creamy looking sauce then told me - with a look that said 'do it, or you are in for a world of hassle' - to eat it.

I did. UGH. However afterrwards i nipped upstairs and immediately threw it up again, before my body could absorb any of the revolting fat i'd just attacked it with. I used water from the sink to gulp down, wriggled my stomach about then threw up again. And again. And again. And again. Until i threw up nothing but water and my stomach muscles and throat were sore from the abuse. I felt... revitalised! So thoroughly CLEAN!

And lo, i discovered the purging works for me! Not instead of restricting, but alongside! A lovely little ana/mia mix you could say i suppose... When the hunger is just too much to bear (i'll get into why later), or if i'm aware someone is monitoring my eating; eating then purging seems to be my answer. And god, when i throw up nothing but water after my third rinse and i KNOW there's nothing left inside me... it's fucking amazing.Cookie Eyes: I know what you mean, that greyout was like a huge sign saying 'things are going well!' I'm following your blog now so i'll be with you along the way :) Stay strong honey, you can do it!Two things i'd like feedback on:

- Since i started the restricting and purging thing i've noticed that four or five times a day i end up with severe pins and needles in my hands and feet, not painful though, just VERY FUCKING TINGLY, and mild spasms in my hands and feet. Again, nothing painful just slight involuntary bending of my fingers or foot which i can always shake off my flexing my fingers or rotating my ankle. It's just a bit weird. 
Has anyone else noticed symptoms like this? And if i just ignore it, will it get worse?

*If it helps, the only things getting past my stomach and actually into my intestines are, daily 1-2 glasses of watered down still sicilian lemonade, 1 tangerine (along with a multivitamin) at approx 2/3pm, and 1 tangerine/apple at approx 8/9pm. As well as about a litre of water. (There's dinner as well at 7 which is prepared for me and what i leave behind tends to be monitored, but i always throw that up. Obviously)

- For me, hunger pangs are fine, hell, bring 'em on. I fucking RELISH hunger pangs. Honestly, when my stomach rolls with hunger and lets out a huge growl, i often get a sense of euphoria and purity, it's awesome. It even tried incessant fucking heartburn. I ignored it and it gave up that too. What i CANNOT deal with is NAUSEA. Lately every time my stomach decides to let me know i'm hungry, it bypasses the hungry signal COMPLETELY and heads straight to FUCKING NAUSEA. And not minor nausea, ohhhh no. PROPER 'oh god i think i might die, or turn myself inside out trying to vomit NOTHING' nausea. At least twice a day. Now, it makes me not want to eat, granted, but it also makes me want to rip my stomach out and teach it why it shouldn't fuck with me. But that may be a tad counter-productive. Has anyone else's digestive system reacted like this? If so, is it a phase? And dear GOD, HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?!

Answers on a postcard?

You know, a lot of people ask me if being thin is worth all the hassle. The nausea. The dizzy spells. The throwing up. The complete lack of energy and weakness from digesting almost nothing.
Are they kidding? Of course it fucking is. SIGH

Stay strong.