Today after the second of my daily purge and rinses, my lower spine actually tried to kill me. Honest to GOD, it leapt out of my lower back and tried to fucking throttle me.
Really! It did!
HONESTLY!
Okay fine. Mayhap I exaggerate a smidge. But it really hurt!
I should elaborate. When I purge, I’ve found it all comes up easier if I’m standing up, legs locked straight and bent at the waist with my left hand braced against the toilet seat. Bit painful for my back, but, due to gravity, or me just being weird or whatever, everything flows out of me SO much faster if I’m standing up rather than kneeling down.
And I DO also have to wiggle myself around pretty vigorously - as the rest of the family downstairs will hear jumping up and down - to mix everything up before I purge again.
So yes, I understand that it's not a great back experience, but generally, I’m cool after like 5 minutes, it's not like I’m aged with chronic back problems for Christ sake, I’m 22! But THIS time, I came back to our (I live with my incredibly understanding boyfriend) bedroom, collapsed face down on the bed and was actually shaking in pain for a good 15 minutes. I shudder to think what it would have been like if Awesomeness Personified hadn't remembered we have ibuprofen gel and offered a quick back rub. And then after that, passed me the spliff* he rolled me! POW! Decadent relaxation ahead!
* Yeah, I know, a stoner with an eating disorder is weird**, but the munchies don't hit me that hard that often, and when they do, purgetastic
** Weirder than that, is the fact that I really like to bake. I rarely eat anything I make recently, but let me tell you, my biscuits, cheesecakes and chocolate and Guinness cake (props to Nigella) are legendary in some circles. I think it's the
Oh! I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow for a check-up, to let her know that I freaked out the last therapist she sent me to, to get some more fucking Prozac and to find out if one of my spasming hands might fall off soon.
Oh and BTW, I’m down 2 lbs from last weight in. Boo-yah!
Starve on :)
1 comment:
ow, god that back thing sounds so painful! you are not the only stoned with an eating disorder out there, I am too! definitely a rare find :) sadly I get deathly munchies, which I solve, oddly enough, by making weed butter and eating that in tea, instead of smoking it. that way I trade a munchie binge for a few calories of butter. anyway, congrats on the 2 fewer pounds!
Post a Comment